I'm not going to respond to the piece...but here-

Basically, your rhymes are "simple"...this can be a good thing, but you still gotta make them ill. Go to your local library, read up on some poetry stuff. Not like read poems, or stuff like Edgar Allen Poe, or Shakespeare, but read books that teach the elements and ways of poetry. The Basics of poetry.

For the most part, rap is poetry. A difference of topics, and the fact that rap has a beat is pretty much the difference.