I really didn't like either if your verses. Loup, your punches weren't very hard hitting at all, except for one or two that hit a little. Satan, yours weren't very hard hitting either, except that daisy one made me laugh. You had the right idea, just like JTR said, word them better so they connect. You both need to work on using wit and humor, and directing your punches better at your opponent. I was going to quote some lines but there wasn't much worth talking about.

V/Loup.

PS- Lose the fuckin' ilatics, bro. Fucks with my eyes. Lol.

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