Thread: Change of heart
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Old 08-25-08, 02:37 AM   #6
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Posts: 1,529
From: Sacramento, CA
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Just one thing, don't start with "Yo" and the line that ended with paper didn't rhyme. Try to give the story a better transission. One minute he's at the bank now he's in the woods all of a sudden he's clutching a bible. And don't use filler lines like the bores line. You got potential so keep elevating best of luck to you.
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