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Guest
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IP:
weLL for starterz NEVER start with "and" b-cuz it leaves your beginning incomplete, like somethin' happened before but you didn't speak about it...overaLL this piece was aiight, but I feel like it could've bEEn more in depth...be more discriptive of your "victim" and even of YOURSELF kid...you had some good lines...(like these)...
i did it this time and theres no turning back--
felt the rythm of the scream and all my dreams turned black--
I finished it though but did i think my thoughts clearly--
was I intended to embark on a claim i held dearly--
but next tYme get more into describing thingz and you'LL get beTTer, experiment some with some vocab too, the THESAURUS does wonderz fuh ya...love...
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