The Punchline Hotel

THE INTRO

Ok folks, this is your wake up call. Grab a room, check in and get comfortable as I break down all the punches that were dropped last week. I’ll be covering what’s hot and what’s not, giving you pointers on what to work on to help you elevate. Hopefully, if you all take the criticism and use to get better, you’ll all be dropping hot on a consistent level.

Now, I’m sure some of you will be thinking, “what the fuck does he know?” or “why should I listen to him?” The fact is, I am NOT the god of text… I’ve just been around longer than most if not all of you and so I can speak from experience. I’ve seen text evolve from the basic of punches to the most creative flips you’re ever likely to see. I’ve been in the same boat, dropping garbage and thinking I am the shit. With the help of others over time, I got better and went from dropping shit like:



To dropping punches like:



So, clearly you can see the difference. And whilst some of you may think you know everything and suggest that the second punch is not that great… facts speak for themselves and that second punch has received props from the likes of John Hensley, Quriosity, properHops, Servical and others alike… basically some of the very best text battlers across the net.

So, with that said, sit down and shut up. It’s time to elevate.



WEEKLY LESSON

Flipping old concepts: YES or NO?

The simple answer to that question is NEITHER. I would encourage you all to not flip old concepts, because when it comes down to it the fresher the punch the better. Needless to say, it is still possible to flip old concepts and bring a fresh spin on them. If you can do that then you can drop a hot punch.

However, you have certain concepts that you should never try to flip now. Michael Jackson punches, any punch where you say “I’m so dope I keep drug dealers in business” or basically anything that comes along the lines of saying “you’re sick” or “you spit such hot fire”. You can pretty much determine for yourself the kinds of punches that fall into that category… they are all punches you should NEVER drop in this day and age.

Concepts like fat jokes, gay jokes, I fucked your girl jokes, mom jokes… these are concepts that will always be flipped. They are the most generic of punches, but they get flipped consecutively every week somewhere on the net. They are permitted because you can flip them so many different ways. I notice a lot of people complaining like, “wow, you said my mom is fat… but that’s not true”. If you are going to judge these punches on the basis that they might be false, every battler across the net would be sucking ass. They are a generic punch that works, they are just as effective as personals if flipped right. If any of you know who UserName is… you will know that he is probably the very best at flipping a concept into an “I fucked your girl” punch and whilst its clearly not true… it still works because this is just a text battle. I mean, if every battle had to be based on 100% fact then verses would be fucking non-existent really.

So shit like:





^ They all worked, although its basically the same concept flipped three different ways. But, all those punches got props for basically insulting a dude’s girlfriends or mothers vagina and saying she sleeps with numerous guys.

When some of you realize its ok to flip old concepts so long as they are done well, you will find yourself with a whole payload of punches to be dropping.




BAR BREAKDOWN

I hope nobody catches feelings from this, but if you do then that’s your problem. I’m only trying to use my experience to help you. And several champed leagues, and over 200 wins outside of leagues says I can help you… if you let me. Also, if you know you dropped no show bars.. you don’t have to listen to what I say about them, but I’m still going to break them down.

This shit will work on a rotation basis. So, on with it.


Wordz AhGod


The wording on that punch is actually on point, it reads well and has a smoothness about it. The concept though is ass. He looks like beavis, ok.. but you failed to successfully deliver a connecting flip. Like, he don’t chill with butthead.. just penis. You basically said he likes dick, but the not chilling with butthead should have a better execution to it. Overall though, the concept is bland and the flip is just as plain.


This was simple, rhyme scheme is basic as hell. The whole one-syllable rhyming is fucking gay and only works if the execution of the punch is harsh as fuck. Also, it makes no sense. You basically said the fact that he’s no showed has guaranteed you battle of the week. How? Battle of the week would involve two battlers dropping nice, not a fucking no show battle. If you are trying to say something different, your execution was weak. It just makes it seem like you are saying you get battle of the week because of a no show.

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Young Kidd (LM)


Where do I start with this? Garbage. It isn’t even a punch. A punch requires an insult of some sort directed at an opponent, or something relevant to the opponent. You basically told him to suck your dick. That wouldn’t cut it, period. Even with expected no-shows, you should still drop a little something resembling a punch so I can get a feel of how to help you.

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Kris Stubbs


Now, I know this was not an expected no-show punch. Although, with Kon’s track record it could have been, lol. Overall, the setup just comes across as filler. Sometimes people will fill in a setup with some “I’m vicious as fuck, watch me tear this pussy apart” then flip a punch that’s not really connected with the setup in the second line. I will say that can work, but a solid setup to a solid punch is always the better option. Overall, the punchline was weaksauce. You basically said he no-shows all the time. It’s more of a statement of truth than a punch. Like “hey, you run away all the time”… that don’t really sound that insulting, ya dig? With a simple fact that he no-shows, you really need that solid setup or a cool flip to make it work. Even something as simple in the punchline of actually saying he is consistent, like it’s a good thing.. then flipping it.

Like:

^ Simple, effective. A relevant setup and flipping what first sounds like you are giving props into an effective insult. But, ultimately.. I’ve said the same thing you said, just with a bit more creativity about it.

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Fly-E


Can I first just say… please for god’s sake drop the / at the end. That shit just screams newbie herb almost as much as you saying “spitting”. The punch itself is poor, not because of the concept… because of the wording. The flow was on point, the concept was potentially good… but the execution was just lacking. It sounds as though you are chilling with your friends and trying to make childish jokes about the dude like “hey man, that kids gay.. he prolly sitting with his mom asking her for a second opinion”. Ya dig? Execution is key, and just a different way of executing the same concept could be as simple as:


^ Feel me? Throw in a little wordplay, and a smoother flip on a punch rather than just speculating on how he probably sitting down asking his mom for a second opinion. It works, makes the punch THAT MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE.

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LPMNDCTE


This was just weak as hell. The concept had potential with the BP shit, but you flipped it really poorly. Like BP known worldwide would’ve made more sense if you would’ve said talking about Black Planet accounts and not his specifically. The way you worded it suggests that he’s only know worldwide because he has a black planet account, that would suggest that he has many friends from that and it doesn’t strike as an insult. As a nameplay, it’s weak. When dropping nameplays you need to think of the various ways you can flip them. The BP shit had potential, it could’ve been flipped using BP Garages, which would probably come off better and make a punch flip easier. Not many pointers anyone can give on nameplays other than try out various ways of flipping it and try not to come so predictable.


This was short, sweet and it worked. The only thing that let it down was you put “deviant” when I think you meant “defiant”. If you did mean “deviant” then sorry dude, it doesn’t even rhyme. Assuming you meant to say “defiant” it works. The black & decker wordplay was fresh; it worked and wasn’t forced. Some might say it is, but in actuality its not. It works the way the punch is worded. The only downside to the punch is it’s a little straightforward. It’s like there isn’t really that much of an insult there. You just used some fresh and clever wordplay in order to say you’d beat his girl’s face flat. Maybe in the future, you may want to avoid simplistic statements and try and drop some of that wordplay into an insult. The same wordplay could be used as an insult with a minute alteration in wording like:


^ Same wordplay, this time used as a basic insult that gives the punch a bit more quality in a battle. Coz remember, battles are about insults, not statements.

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Big Picture


This was plain and simple, garbage. I’m not trying to be harsh, it was just weak. His name isn’t exactly the easiest to flip, but the way you did it just failed in execution. Like, even his name shows how bad he is at playing hangman… A) – It doesn’t even read like an insult, and B) – It has no relevance to the setup and with nameplays a setup is always essential for maximum power. It’s like filler in the setup, you basically trying to throw some insults that just don’t cut it… and then you finish with a weak ass attempt at a nameplay. Like I said about LP’s shit.. with nameplays you gotta come fresh, be original and maximize the execution as best as possible.


Ok, this sums up to you saying you are going to punch him. Then after that, just to really tip the iceberg into failing waters.. you actually say the kids at make out point won’t recognise his face. That suggests that he frequents make out point, meaning that he gets girls. So technically, you’ve said you’ll punch him and then you’ve actually given him a compliment. My pointers for you are work on your execution. You really need to word shit so that it reads harshly and just bombards the fuck out of your opponent.

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One Way



I think I touched on this in my vote. The concept is there, but it lacks on execution. I mean in general that type of nameflip is a little predictable, but it can work. With a solid execution that punch could have gone from average to dope. I’ve seen John Hensley drop these types of nameplays and he is probably the best at them, his wording and execution is always flawless. The only pointers I can probably make on this is when you write the punch, read it and ask yourself if it sounds harsh enough. Like if you were to say it in person, would it have that haymaker affect. Another way maybe to use that nameflip a bit different:

^ Of course, there is still room for improvement. That particular nameflip isn’t that great of a choice because just using the word “lyrics” from his name comes off bland. Like even if you said the dopest lyrics I saw you write… or the way I said even your name shows weak lyrics… it doesn’t work that well. But, the way I worded it just gives you an idea of how it could sound a little bit more smoother and insulting.




Honestly, I think flipping someone’s own wordplay against them is one of the hardest things to do. You can always flip it, but coming up with a fresh way to turn it against them can a lot of the times prove to be difficult. First pointer, work on ensuring the pauses are in the right places. The first comma ruins the smoothness of the punch. Also, the transition of the punchline is sort of weak. It’s like you make a statement about him saying you are played, then call him wack turning his own wordplay on him. It works to a degree, but to venture into the dopeness it needs a smoother execution. Something like:

^That’s not really much of an improvement I’ll be honest. It’s just a way of alternating the wording to get a somewhat smoother execution and a more insulting punchline. If I can give you any advice on flipping someone’s wordplay though. Don’t do it unless you are 100% certain that you’ve got a solid and harsh flip on it… because when flipping a dudes wordplay back on them you’ve got to be flawless in your execution otherwise it comes out as average most times.




OUTRO

That is all from me for this week. Until next week, take my shit with a grain of salt and use it to get better. If you don’t like what I said, fuck you. My only goal is to try and help you, and also take notes from my Weekly Lesson because that will also help to build up your arsenal of punches. So, until next week, peace.