JTR- Ok, first thing, the intro was pretentious as hell and i'm pretty sure that that's a sway since it wasn't part of the lyrics of the piece either. And it's 'memory' not 'memmory', i mean, christ it was stated in the title! And i had to go to the topic thread in order to figure out which one you'd picked, which was pain in the ass. Ok, negative shit aside this was a good piece, you illustraited the connection between the narrator and his friend well, you told a story laced with strong imagery and forward momentum which kept me reading until the end despite the length, 49 lines not counting the intro and outro, again seems like you're bending the rules to me. Strong piece though.

Bob- A nice little mad scientist type piece with strong vocab and imagery laced throughout but the whole thing felt stagnant to me, like nothing was really happening until the end and it wasn't illustriated that clearly. You brought the vocab and the rhyme scheme sure, but it was kind of non-specific what was going for a large chunk of the piece so i had to re-read to follow it. You tied in the picture with a nice twist at the end though. Good piece.


Vote- JTR, for a more coherant approach and a better story.