Gran look man im not trying to kill your words. But i think feeling comes from thought. I feel you could have put more thought into it so the readers could really grasp at your feelings inside---Here i'll show you what i mean----

Take your last lines

I ran so fast i felt like my feet were shootin guns//
As we walked through the door//
she says "I feel like a whore"//
Maybe we shouldnt do this//
I made a chance move and gave her a kiss//
she kissed me back//
we hit the sack//
she even let me hit it from the back//
now I lay here in silence with her on my shoulder//
should i try to make this work or make the bed a lil colder'//


MY VERSION--just touching it up

I ran so fast morning this moment could never last
And with the opening door to endorsement she felt easily tasked-
She said maybe we shouldn't do this--
But swift moves with a kiss there was bliss--
Through her bedroom doors with sunken sheets time baring never permited for this--
And with this victory at plan should i stay and be the respectable man--or let the bed forever appear just another hour and for that hour she'll settle to shed yet another tear

see that might be something i would put at the end. Alright man just listen im not telling you to do anything with your work. I call it constructive criticism

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