hmmmm--I think i understand what you wanted out of this poem.. I think your abstract direction could have been cleaned up a bit in the following lines.

Focused on what my life has to give, nothing, wanting more,
drowning

The desires of this world a brink in time , an illusion, pain.
I'm lost.

It really depends i dont expect a rhyme scheme at all just a choice of new words. always keep you reader abounding in each line with a new phrase or choice of vocabulary. When im writing i always want to stay abstract to the readers thought. Throw them off a little with words that they aren't commonly familiar with--Make them study your written with dictionary's then make them understand the whole meaning within the last couple lines. I think poems with this substance make up a more innovating atmosphere for the reader to digest. peep rapture----light when you get the chance--overall nice words--keep it up

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