Ok, well the thing is its so long, it kind of loses a lot. In audio this would be great, but the fact that its so long make's in 'boring' no offense. The content of the song is actually good, but the fact that I have to read it, it loses so much. Like I said the lyrical content is good.

Ok, one thing, your hook is 7 lines. Thats a really long hook. Usually a hook is only about 4 lines...buts its all good.

Keep on writing, good work,