Okay, now this was riveting...

...some might say you stuck too rigidly to the rhyme scence..but then they forget that some of the great poems are done like that (or so i'm told)...and even though you did maybe slightly do that...it didn't matter...actually, with it's almost simplistic yet effortless flow, it made it just, well, riveting...

...i like how you put emphasis on the warped and twisted thing (especially the twisted thing)...by repeating it, but more subtley...

also strong use of vocab, not too complex, not too simple, it was a nice mixture...

...very nice piece...respect...