Okay...well written to an extent...

..i felt at times you rhymed when there was no need to..and also some parts ended a bit blunt...

..but on the whole, a quite powerful piece with an overall flow was which fairly strong...

...the end i felt could've been done better, instead of ending it on "that's how they say HI"..i mean a better word than HI could've been used for a piece that was so powerful....i know it can dumb the piece down, which may be what you were looking for,....but it made it a bit too dumbed down near the end with the "HI"...

...i'll get back to this, as i need to give me 6th and last vote (Yes, mods get 6 DOs and 4 DONTs) to someone, and aint read the other three yet...who knows though, i might need to change a couple of me previous votes...

..oh, and quite an oroginal approach to the topic too...good twist at the end, but as said before, the "HI" at the end meant it didn't come off as well as it could've...

Aye, you got me vote, just edging Gran Thef out of it

Vote: DOES go through to the next round