Simple, but strong...

...actually, had a certain amount of depth to it, whcih was realised with what was a very good ending..

...at times seemed a bit too simple and akward with the you rigidly stuck to rhyme scene (at times)...emphasis on RIGIDLY...

...but apart form that, a nice piece, the end executed real well...that's one thing you usually are good at, starting a piece well, and ending it well...i think you need to work a bit on the body of the piece...(sorry if that sounded pretentious)..

...cocoaros (formeryl resp...)...