You need to tighten your verse up....you are all over the place!!!

Fix yourself on one simple concept and think about it....describe it.....use big words.....we like that


Oh, and you need to make more sense out of everything. This battle rhyme (to begin with, battle rhymes are somewhat pointless because they are just random disses to an invisible opponent) makes absolutely no sense. I mean, when did I get raped by a polar bear? Why are Eskimos around me? I mean, it is a chilly year this year, but it's not that cold where I live.
Start working on flowing one line into the other and remain on topic. If you must insist on using battle rhymes and decide that is your specialty, then at least make sense out of it. Think before you write and things will get better.

Remember, it doesn't happen overnight. Years and years go into this process.