nice idea but sum of tha bars seemed like u had to force them to rhyme.

"Man this shit will fuck up your whole Evening"/
and it will make your life seems like its spinning"/
Some i'm warning you , if u wanna battle takin this , u will alwayz come out losing"/"

"i'm sure that the breakup will be successful to your girl I promise/
So let the suicide commense!/"

jus work on dat and ya'll should be str8.Stay ^
-Avi