ay yo, it goes like dis/

one day when i was young, runing around wid my gun/
thinking i was a gangsta, when really i was just a wanksta/
i was all bitter in my heart from ceing fello emcee's gettin whacked/
i coulda turned to crack, i felt like commiting murder/
but dat wouldent take me further/
i was feeling ill and in-complete, like half a person/
i need some1 to look out for me, give me nursen when i was ill, share my life with/
i needed to feel complete/
then their she was standing their, leaning up against the wall/
she was da dopest chick i ever saw, to my surprise she was looking at me, staring right at me/
she started walkin over to me, still looking right at me/
i couldent beleve my luck when she asked me out/
so 20 years down da line we're still going out/
we got outa da hood, became up n respected/
i still whent back to battle, won some lost some, thought i was a g/
dats when da call came on my cell, my knees whent week and i fell to da floor/
i got up started runing for dat door/
i got home, their she was in bed, laying dare all weak/
she awoke and spoke, she told me about her cancer, told me she had bout a week/
i started to cry, i couldent live wid out her, she was my everything/
when i got angry she made me chill, when i doubted hope and religion/
she filled it up to da top, i couldent imagine carrying on wid out her/
i loved her, i never looked at another hoe, no fucking hoe could match her flow/
as i bent over da bed she fell asleep, i began to weep, i needed her to keep/
i began praying begging to be forgiven, i sore dis as my punishment/
if i had been good, never done all da things i did, maybe dis wouldent be happanin/
but dat mutha up dare in da sky, he told me a mutha fucking lie/
he aint good, he aint hope, he told me i was forgiven/
but he still wasa taken her, i begged him not to, i told him he didnt need too/
he refused me doe, knocked me back, told me some day he would take me too/
thats when my girl awoke, she looked me in da eye, stated she was still alive/
she told me not too worry, told my i was everything, told me she gave me everything/
as she lay dare on deaths door step here she was trying to comfort me, she was so strong and loving/
she asked me wat i cotemplate, dat was her way of asking me my thoughts/
i told her if she whent i had to go wid, i told her i was nothing wid out her/
then her breathin started heavin/
she told me my desire, she told me i whanted her forever/
i told her dat i was lossing her, maybe tonight maybe tomorra/
dats when it happand, she closed her eyes/
her chest stopped movin, she wasent movin or talkin/
she was dead right dare in da middle of da bed/
i didnt cry or shout, i shoulda let it all out but didnt, couldent wouldent/

so here i am all alone 6 months later/
sometimes when im in our room i think i see her moving around in da livingroom/
i get up and run over but she aint their, the whole room is bere/
i cant live without her, i got nothin left but da memorys in my heart/
dat aint enough, i need her warmth/
im only 40% da man i was, im empty/
i aint got nothin inside no mor, no luv, no hope, i dont beleve in anything now/
i wanna end it all but cant, i think to myself all those times i talked about murdurin and not giving a fuck about death/
now i relise i was lyin to myself n my bro's/
i cant kill deese foes, fuck i cant even kill myself/
dats when 1 day in da hood, a black chevie screams around da corner/
that mutha starts poppin lead, does bullets crashing all around my head/
then it hits me right in da throat, i start to choke and panic/
den out of nowhere i see her, she tells me not to panic/
she tells me im coming home/
i lay their calm, just waitin, then the last thing i think before i sleep an eternal sleep is/
earth is hell, yo arse is tested here, when you die you goto heaven no matter what/
so now im about to die and i always finished ma battles wid im outty/
well now for da last time.............. i truely am outty/

Dedicated to racheal winter 1975-2000, we all loved you girl, you made all you new complete, i dont know when but one day im coming home, i still luv you girl..... RIP