This was real emotional, seemed like you put a piece of your heart into it, and sets it above anything we can say, because its personal to you. I agree, the flow was off, your rhyme patterns/ scheme could of been a lot better, you could of got a lot more in depth with the imagery, and even without the flow, your writers voice could of been stronger than it was. But aside from the flaws, you put your heart into this, and that shone through, she obviously meant a lot to you and its the emotion you put in this piece that kept me captivated.
Nice drop man, just take the critisism and build on it, they arent hating - their telling you how to elevate.
Holla at mine,

Peace!