These both weren't very impressive...
thought I'd see better.
But that's just me, I'm not a huge fan of strictly storytelling.

Avalon took this though. I little more creative... there was more to it...structure needs some work.
Domains verse seemed rushed... that last line wasn't any good...sorry man.

But I didn't like the whole dialoge thing though by avalon... you have to let your verse speak...

Nice try though.... at least you're thinking.
vote- avalon

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I'm a goblin hooked on rails, stuck drinking ale/ I'll rip the horn out a unicorn and shove it up your fairy tale.