A2Z took this.
But you need to get more serious with your shit. you're writing this story... this r\trivial story and there are lines that could be replaced with things that have meaning and are creative and get somewhere. it's hard to tell a good story in less than 30 lines... there isn't room for developement in a topical battle. you just have to be more intense with your writing.

Brix--
much too trivial to have any significant impact on the reader. There were no "punch" lines .... you ended rhyme schemes weakly with no force. ... structure and rhyme pattern killed you.

vote- A2Z

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I'm a goblin hooked on rails, stuck drinking ale/ I'll rip the horn out a unicorn and shove it up your fairy tale.