problems:

multies are forced, hella
the lines themselves r wack, youve came to the right place....
i think what u need to werk on is lettin those multies comout instead of sittin there thinkin on it for 30 seconds [dont lie] dont use a multie if it dont come to ur brain right away...

thats when u lose control of tht tightly interweeved ryhme scheeme u had goin,like take this line....for exapmple...

I'm a crazy-insane intellectual/
your a bible kissin' homosexual

a] crazy intalectual, intalectual meens ur able to behave your self and speak like an adult and r able to comphehend adult concersations, crazy intalectual dont fit.....

b] bible kissin homo sexual... in the bible it sais u shouldent be gay, so there for this is irony, unless you were goin for irony, then u hit both them line on point but u need a li more filler to make ur lines long enuff...

ppl will say, " no, filler - bad" naw, filler aint that bad, filler creates what you call a tide over, take this line for exapmle

blah blaaaaaaaaaaaaaah blah blah blaaaah people

il leave u holeier like a church steeple so i can see thru you...

^^ ths few sylables is filler tht tides ur line to the E sound so ur listener doesnt lose the sound so it sounds better to them, get it?

is so they dont forget what the sound is gunna be comin up, and it produces a feel of a good flow,

but

just cuz your throwin ryhmes together that look ill, some one else has to read it... plus, u dont stay on point..

in a battle with ghettowhiteboy recently i introed with " you want beef blah blah blah"

then flowed on beef, thn outrod sayin " you wanted beef, but got raped, so it was forced pork"

stayin on point meens life or death for yuor spit

thats it for now, if u have nything else, ask in here, please dont make another thread