Alright i read your piece and there a couple things i'd like to point out. This poem is based off of memories, I was expecting some more personal depth in it. It really strayed from anything other than your preception to certain things from past time to future such as movies or News of casualties.

"As these memories of my imperfections continue to expand in my mind I can say I've learn a lesson"

WHAT MEMORIES OF IMPERFECTIONS ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
You need to kinda web everything together and inorder to fully finish this piece it needs to be longer. I noticed a nice line that had some great thought to it.

"It was like the seed of pain was not weathered upon by any burst of rain"

Alright final thoughts:
In a poem like this i want to be able to see your face/actions i want to feel that exact emotion the writer is trying to possess. Think about what i've said and i am positive it will shed a great light of thought to your work to come.

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