This was a good read. Had good content, flow, word usage, it was good all around. It was kind of long but I read through it pretty quick because of how you wrote it.

"tha one that foned mes was still breathing just a bit
ran over to him quikly to see if it was a bad hit
it ws fatal - he was losing alot of blod
if i had only been there 2 minutes earlier...FUCK
he grabbed ma hand tight and looked deep into ma eyes
mumbled something unclear-the stopped breathin and died
pullin him close to ma chest i just lay there and cried"

That was my favorite part out of it. I really felt it. You wrote it good. I haven't really read a lot of your stuff but I'm gonna be looking for it now.