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Old 06-02-03, 11:12 PM   #6
deacon
I Am The Light
 
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Posts: 1,127
From: deep inside
IP:

hmmmmmmmm----
MBenz---this was wierd you were 11 and in a gang or smoked alot of weed? That just seems crazy why would a gang let an 11 year old in.......anyways you had a nice flow going in the begining but it strayed a bit towards the middle and the ending seemed to kinda go off the edge. For being 13 this wasn't bad but i think you should stray from putting your age on a reviewed pieces. I am able to look past it but many wouldn't be able to.As for imagery there were some parts of imagery in the begining but there was too much explination towards the end. Explaining why it was written and what not is honestly weird.

"now i know my secret may not be what everyone was waiting to glance at,
but im only 13 now got some other stuff but wit it i dont want to transverse with that,
so please leave all the condosending remarks i dont need to see the post,
cuz unlike others with my troubles i dont liek to boast"

What exactly are you boasting about? The ending tore this poem up---scoring it as a 3.5

The Necromancer:
Wow crazy realism in this piece. For something as normal as lusting towards something better kept silent you brought it out with simplicity-nicely done.You brought great imagery to a normal mans life and the typical events man takes.

"I go to my room where I've sleeped for two days
And I masturbate to thoughts no one dare to speak
I realize I'm not going to fix this problem today
I hide myself, I hide my lust, I am too wicked and to weak"

Ahhhhhh typical eventsssssssssssssssssssss..for the most part LOL

i found many emotions in this poem.(hate-humor-doubt--depression etc etc...) They all painted a nice picture of the character in the poem..
This was extremely original and with that im going to give this piece a (7)

Final..The Necromancer will go to the next round----

p.s reading your name necro now just doesn't seem the same--does your name have the meaning im thinking it has?.....lol

-1-
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