G_Gizmo.Guz:
Alright this piece pretty much was straight down the line to what was asked of for this topic.. A young women deprived of a family and lack of funds for college turns to something degrading such as stripping to possibly form the path to her future
(eductation= the better life).......This had alot of meaning and gave a great understanding as to the point that was being made but lacked orginality and possible openings for imagery use.....
Some lines that i enjoyed...

"Penelope only dreamt of succeeding
Knowledge pumped from her heart,
but faith was what she was really needing.
See there was a time where she did not want to go on.
Penelope turned into a different person from dusk til dawn.
She went from being a Queen to just a worthless Pawn"

this first verse was great it ended with a great metaphor"She went from being a Queen to just a worthless Pawn"...
this verse shows how people go to great lengths to get what they want even if its something they would have never thought of doing....

Another meaningful line---

She was no longer a good student, she was mistreated by many men.
Through the vains of her body, she felt the power of heroine.
She looks back at happy times, and has flashbacks of her mother.
With on last breath...theres a light at the end of the tunnel.

Alot of truth in this verse.....Many resort to drugs to deal with a poor lifestyle...even though this girl was mistreated by herself and by others she still remembered the good times with her family. it brough closure with in herself. It gave hope for a better life on the other side of death

nice piece filled with great thoughts im giving this piece a (7)

varentao:
Wow V you really suprised me with your piece even though its late and im tired i will prevail and finish ME duties on this messageboard.......

First i'd like to say you exicuted the whole first person thing perfectly--the imagery alone in the first verse was just WOW....

"Note by note I dance to tunes of green
Played by deep desires masked in titillation
SOUL leaking purpose as i SLOWLY weep
Acidic tears supressed to fall deep within"

Its ironic for a lady to totally hate what she's doing yet by doing so she is totally making others happy....This is real life for many young women now days and sadly many women except it for what it is..which is a shame..anyways

back to you:

The way you brought art into the whole picture was fasinating along with the transition between her studies and job...

"I begun baring to fuse ART with RAW life
Visions of such innocence soon withered away.
Rubbing firm nipples against cold metal floor
I slither like a snake so sexy in such dirt..."

Wow i loved the imagery of this verse. "I slither like a snake so sexy in such dirt..." Isn't that the truth those dance floors are nothing but dirt.....


Skipping along since i've spent far tooo many hours on these poems but hey its all good.......

the last lines....
"Naked but for a thong that holds my trusted tool
Upon stage yet still i write moving towards my neck
They gasp, stunned, what are they to think?
Let horror ECHO within mirroring one's SOUL
"FLICK" See here the vengence of my ART"

See what something like this can do to a person..And im positive people really feel like this--NO my sis nor mom is a stripper but still who could deal with it.....You ended it perfectly with every emotion needed. This was for sure a favorite piece in this round..
(9)

Final: varentao goes to next round--wow what rush great job to the both of you.

-1-

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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next?
sacred scriptures record (5-0)