You've got a nice voice. In my opinion you're using it wrong. You need to stop trying to fit so many words into bars. You need to stretch certain words longer. And try a simpler rhyme scheme. But remember this is in my opinion. If its the underground-super-long-bar style your aiming for then you've succeeded but i still stand by my suggestion for a simpler rhyme scheme.

By the way. Your quality is hot if you only used a computer mic.