this was a pretty good piece dude.
I liked the emotion that was behind it, made me feel it.
it had a good topic, but the flow was a little off, and you need to work on style of writing.
Rather than just being yourself in your piece, try telling a story, or taking a different perspective.
This was decent though.
Peace

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis