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Old 06-29-03, 07:17 PM   #4
shiznit
Tampons are expensive
 
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Posts: 676
From: Somewhere uve never been born....
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Shiznit's thoughts:

Vocabulary- u used like really simple words like regret, upset, number, bumper, etc... if u just might like made these words deeper like...for example.. u can rephrase all these... instead of .."If u don’t a girl will walk by and leave u to face regret" u can say.... "Opportunities would pass down ur way and leave you remorse" <---sounds kinda cliche but it would make some words much understandable ya kno...

Flow- it would be much better if u acknowledge some rhyme scheme cuz sometimes when u write certain lines...it would make it to be readable..i mean when u read it out loud..like u wouldnt be lost..if that makes any sense

Wordplay - u dont really have any words played on here..like u can make some words rhyme in each line so it would sound like ur sayin the same thing over again but ur not...ahhh its confusing but oh well

Content - hmm...when it comes to writing sometimes themes can be thought out a lot but sometimes it would just came in to you ya know...but urs is alright..some are confusing but its ok

OVER ALL - well... a little work thats all...i all of us here are still elevatin ya kno so it wouldnt really hurt you to try a lot a harder...<----i am not being mean

well..those are some of the thoughts from someone who isnt dope AT ALL *shakes head* ...no need to listen to me tho...hehehe but im just sayin..well wish i could help even a little ..

keep droppin!
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<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>
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