this was an okay piece. it flowed pretty well.
you should up your vocab, and not be quite so pissed off about stuff.
Storytelling helps that. Tryn write a story on a dope topic, you get a better responce from people too.

oh, and cut it out with the one line replies. they piss everyone off.
okay?
Peace

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Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis