I liked the real life one better man...this one was kinda choppy it seemed when i read it, but it prolly sounds better if your actually saying it to a beat, but because i dunno what it is i cant say...the message is kinda whack though man lol, gunna kill the bitch haha...whatever, still got some sikk rhymes though...i especially liked this one

"He took a swing at ma black ass//
But, I blocked it, thanks to that judo class//"

lol that one made me laugh...it was good because you added some funny lines in there to lighten up the subject...so imma give it an 7.5 / 10...jus being honest dawg no hate...

peace