sounds like you goin through a heartache. it sounds real, but elevate a little, smolder on it before you jot it down. it looks like a rough draft that something good can come out of. you should leave out the liquor/quicker rhyme, it sounds like a dirty old man.

rise baby, rise!

check mines out dawg
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=63290