Expand on the lines n stuff so u can fit everythin u wanna say in.
Also try to leave the films, games other artists, tv programmes out, its ok usin like 1 a peice but if u throw so many in it looks like a bit immature reflection on u, which is cool if thats what ur style is or whatever.
Oh, and flow was a bit choppy at times but mines shit too but you can always work on it man keep posting one day u'll hit the high note.