I stopped reading after money... this was wack, you can tell you never even held a gun b4 by the way you goin' about this piece...

"im gonna kill an inocent guy all i care is the money/
this kill reminds me of my first shootin at a bunny/".....

^ shooting a human is a lot different feeling then shooting a rabbit man, trust me... even if the man doesn't die..

"Unscrew the silencer, empty the magazine, take out the empty case/
climb down the ladder chuck my bag in & drive away drive like a race/"...

^why would you empty the magazine if you're packing it up, and the "casing" which is the right term, comes out automatically with the recoil.. unless you're using a WWII isued rifel or somethin'.. lol...

and also, even if it was just an imaginative piece, your vocab and flow were way off... the flow made the vocab seemed forced.. even in the two lines I just quopted, it's real choppy, you need some elevation... not say'n you suck or ne-thing but try to work on a few things

peace

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