O.k, I Don't Really Want To Do A BreakDown Because It'd Come Out Negative so...

Work On Your Vocab. THis Was A Simplistic Piece. Vocab Helps Complexiate (is That A Word?) Your Bars, It Shows That You Have A Good kNowledge, That You Understand. Lines Like "cuz now im called a lunitic
", Change IN to,,,"Currently im called a Deranged Amniotic lunatic" - Weak EXample, But You Get The Idea.

This Is The Type Of Structure I See Alot Of herbs Using, 10-15 Bars in A Freestyle Form, Try To Structure It More Like A Song, With Stanza's etc, Read My Tutorial In The Tutorial Forum.

Keep At It, It Took Me About 9 Months To Start Elevating Dramatically, Now Look Where I am, Keep Writin'. Hope To See You Elevate Soon!