Started off well enough. Hitting the reader straight away.

But then it started to go on and off a bit. Made the piece drag a bit. I think that's mainly due to the level of which you set the basis of it. You let the emotions come but channeled loosely...so the parts that didn't come from the 'channel', didn't end up in 'place' too well (they can be, but in this piece, it was 50-50).

Still, that's a slightly picky criticism. Because overall the imagery and emotions made this piece most definetly felt. And a fairly well executed ending too.

...resp...