this had the feel of a personal piece. I liked this shit but..on the real you need alot of vocab work. To me, some lines presented imagery, some didn't which kinda took off the overall value of it. I had no problems with the flow, and nothing else was really wrong with it. it had structure and few metaphors, personal piece, but its nothing that would make you feel for you,it's like saying "so your a loser, who cares" which is why the vocab needs work to paint a different picture then the one presented here. It had an image, but not that different of one. Try to elevate and your pieces will become ill. Peep my piece "Rage of a Mortal" if you want. i'm lookin for some good criticism on it or whatnot. thanks and one.

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