Not a bad piece, top half easil;y outshone the bottom, better emotion and deeper imagery in my opinion, flow was a little stop / start mainly due to the bar lengths keep jogging and the shortage of internal rhyming, a couple multi's here and there would of stepped the flow up, not a bad storyline though, ended with impact, just need to work on the bar lengths and flow, more multi's and internals will help with that, some subtle wordplay will keep the readers ewntertained and wanting to read on, not bad for whats there though.
Reply to mine:
Burnt Bridges
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=70954
Wonderful Women
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=70898