^ He asked for 'proper' responses, not one line wonders. .
Not a bad verse, although, the changing bar lengths threw the flow way off at times, but you could fix that quite easily by simply adding a syllable, or taking a few out. More internals would help this piece a lot, seriously, thats the main problem that stuck out as i read it, more multi's may of helped it too. Other than that, the imagery and content was pretty good, second verse was easily the best of the three, third verse finished kind of abruptly, id of liked to see it extended and made into a full length piece to get more imagery in there, but as it was, it made for a nice piece, just a few minor flaws you needed to work out.
Reply To Mine:
Burnt Bridges
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=70954
Wonderful Women
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=70898