Alright...lets tear this piece by piece..hmm.*thinks*

Your poem was rather basic..straight to the point..and don't get me wrong..THERE IS NOTHIGN WRONG WITH THAT. Hmm what else.....
Vocab was average...might wanna hit tha dictionary..lol..u might be laughin..but no lie..thats what i used to do all the time...pull out words that i thought sounded good to the ear..then write the definition down...and a Theasarus works good to.

To me..imagery was lackin..but thats okay..it comes with the territory....you'll gain that...i did..you should read some of my starting pieces..man i should have made another cat in the hat book and become rich like Dr. Seus..lol NO LIE!!
Chickita banana..this wasn't at all that bad

But if u need more advice from me...no prob
God bless..1..