basically ur flow was solid and wasn't completely wack...but I think for one you should improve the complexity of your multis...instead of "look, book, crook, shook" all in one line...yea those are multis but you should use longer syllables like "read ya book, deceive ya looks, you seeds are shook," u know what I'm sayin? I mean not sayin those were GOOD examples or anything but that's the basic point lol....

also...try to use more metaphors...instead of saying "your blood can be wiped with a rag" you coulda said "like a pussy on it's period, ya blood can be wiped with a rag"....once again, not saying that it's a GOOD example...but it gets the main point...instead of straight up saying something give it a little more cleverness...anybody can say "I'ma shoot you up" but not everyone would say "I'ma shoot you up like a heroine needle" you feel me?

and finally..try to improve your vocabulary...just using small words CAN work for audio heads if you have an ill delivery, but if your gonna be doin text and only text then you need to improve your vocabulary..not saying turn every verse into a dictionary...but put more intelligence into it...listen to some canibus tracks...chino xl..kool g rap..hell even Eminem..and instead of listening to the beats and how they flow over it, listen to how they rhyme, how they word things, how they diss other emcees...all that shit will help you out I PROMISE....

hope I could help a little...

peace