Not bad for a keystyle, needed lengthening to make it a full-on piece, but the flow was there, mainly because of your internals, you attempted a couple similies and bits of wordplay in there, the multi's helped it too, kept the flow downpacked and such, nothing really to flaw because it was only a keystyle, but i suggest when you drop a full-open mic piece you work on your imagery and emotion and write to a set topic such as love / hate, that will test you a little more.

Not bad though, you have the basics down, just work on it i guess.
Reply to my piece: !