this seems like it was all off the top,creative..
possibly real as well..and it wasnt supposed
to really flow for those who were only looking
for that..it was a spoken word type of story full
of emotion through and through...if this is real B
i feel for you homie....the parts where you have
and and can give you the hints for a spoken
word peice people...if its not your type of script
people you probaly wouldnt like it and your all
entitled to your opinions...as for mi opinion it kept
me interested because you could have taken the
story in many different directions which
brings forth more creativity.

nicely done