Your flow vocab and wordplay are very basic most of the time. You showed glimpses of some dope talent but you do need to elevate a little. Overall I enjoyed the piece but some of your mechanics are a little elementary.

For example-Ever since i was 11, ive tried to be,
a tight MC, just so yall can confide in me,
i had big dreams, that only i could see,
write flows get rich wit a bride to be,-your linking words are be, me,see,be really really basic step it up a little and it'll be tight.

I really liked this verse because it showed us a glimpse of your future if you keep at it--

constantly kickin flows with every chance i got,
to increase the odds of whether id advance or not,
some people hate, and they glance alot,
but i dont care cuz ill keep strivin to enhance my plot

A little more complex with a couple of multi's. Good drop and keep elevating I think you just might "touch the world with music."