Not bad Tik, concept was pretty original actually, ive not seen it done before, multi's and internals need work, you didnt use many of them in this but you kept the flow up regardless. Rain Bows line stood out, and was good, but seriously - if you'd of re-worded that line it would of been dope! I liked how you linked the 'express the whole' then switched it into red, very nicely done but the rhyming words were basic, and i felt you could of done more w/ the red verse if you'd made it longer. Again, 'little boy blue, away. .' nice line, but if you'd of worded it more, it could of been sooooo dope. Blue verse was a lot better imagery and emotionally, i got the feeling the blue verse was from the 'son' and the red verse was the 'dad' ... yellow verse got more into the story, imagery wasnt as good, again, i felt it could of been made a little longer to get more indepth w/ the surroundings / emotional and imageric aspects. 'forget his 'blues' line stood out to me, worded good this time, although - i didnt know if you meant it to be subtle wordplay or not, lol. green verse really threw me w/ this line: "he's being killed by his son, like his wifes late fate" - because it sounds as if the son killed the mom, but i thought you said it was the father? may need re-wording of that. .
last two lines were good, rounded off the piece nicely, good job Tik!

Sorry for only picking faults, but its the only way you'll learn is through constructive critisism, thats why i did it. you wouldnt learn anything from me just saying 'this was dope' so dont feel bad. : )

Reply to my piece! Its the one by Baron Mynd with the exclamation mark cause i couldnt think of a title, lol.

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