This was structured poorly I had to read it twice to find your rhyme scheme. There was no wordplay no vocab to be impressed wit the structure eliminated any flow you might have had. I don't know you and this is not hate i'm trying to help you escalate. Multi's would help along with interbar rhyming but first peep some other pieces or check out the W.E.C Rythmic Tendencies has a good piece on structure that helped me. Keep at it dawg. 1