I personally thought this piece was here and there.

The overall way you wrote it was quite interesting. Not much people try to write like that.

And at times you pulled it off. You got a fairly nice rythm going. But other times, it just felt devoid of substantialised emotions and imagery. That's what would make one think it was off the top of your head. You just wrote it down how it came out, in it's rawest.

But also really makes the reader question the reality of it too. I wont go into that though...

Overall, a nice approach, that wasn't really executed consistently well.

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