Thread: Optimism.
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Old 08-18-03, 03:58 AM   #8
James Bondage
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Yeah, this was a lot doper than half the bullshit that gets posted in this forum, i hate when stuff like this gets slept on. .
Not a bad read, opening two lines were good, nicely worded, multi's were there but the lines were too strched syllable-wise to get down that perfect flow, its like you were one syllable out or something, try making it like:

The glass is clear, past is feared. . Bad news is all these bastards hear
The masses think. . Hell -- nearly hope -- the next disaster's near

See how that runs off the tongue better? Maybe its just me, but that sounds a lot soother now than it did, i usually go for between 12 & 16 syllables per line. Aside from that, the content was decent, raised a few ideas i havent seen done before, i liked the "forefront/store sun" bar, and the conclusion was nice worded, but again, just cut out some of the syllables or break the bar down, so that it reads dopely - that was my only real flaw with it.

Oh, and tell that guy IlluGin613 to suck a fat dick, he wouldnt know a good open mic if it slept with his sperm whale of a mom.
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