some of the lines had no bridge rhyme.. like they seemed to just be randomly placed...

"All about i but not seeing the truth of his persona,
In a comer of wasted time tryna rhymes predator/"
^ if there was a bridge there I couldn't see it.. if it's persona an' comer it isn't enough of a bridge, doesn't sound right, you should've rhymed something with predator..

"Crawlin through his mind blind to see the light,
Eclipsed visions of how to write but aren't right/
No fright cuz he's more cocky than a male porn star,
Fatal decisions slump more than his cred for bars/"

^ I liked those bars... went a'ight, flow coud've been better, but it was good still...

I find your main problem is rotation of a beat... (FLOW)... every beat has a general 1-2-3-4 rythm, there is usually 1 or 2 emphasysed beats within that 4... usually on 1 or 3... or both... listen to the snare kicks in a beat an' write to that.. on the more "umph" sounding kick is where you put the rhyme sound...
if you have a faster style, then the beat varies.. there's inbetweens it goes up to 16 syllables.. for every snare or every inbetween you need to have the right sound an' # of syllables... sorry if that wasn't really clear, but it's the best I can explain it in text.. 1

you had some good ideas

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