Your rhyme scheme really got messed up over the beginning bar, because you didn't fulfull the bar with a rhyme scheme at all.. It just dropped to a completely different word that didn't have any syllables to relate to the word before hand (example from your verse of this happening: "implants" to "cubes.") Your vocabulary was pretty decent for your "first" open mic, I enjoyed it, although it could've been elevated on a bit more, na'mean? The multis weren't at all bad, but add a few more in there to strengthen your bars are petty much weak without them, feel me? Then it affects the whole verse it self. As for the structured format, you came pretty decent, nice length.. Overall, not at all bad for your first written verse, family.. Keep elevating upon your word, mos' definite..

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