somma ya lines seemed to contradict themselves makin no 'shit of sense'..lol..(my new line)

Your sweet eyes and loving touch solely offered me a threat???? I couldn’t abide

sweet eyes an loving touch offering a threat you cannot accept/put up with?...that just made no sense at all...

but

So as the sun starts setting, my loving pulse for you starts to fade
Gone are our days as I blow out our so called ‘eternal flame’

^^this line was nice..but you could have started your picture witha sunrise..and ended it with tha line..n ya poem woulda been SO dope....

ya rhyme scheme was coo...and structure on point....do tha thug thizzle ma

igido

__________________
freelance

RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S