iight

hello again, seems i always get to reply to your posts first

well this one here i like better then your last one, not that it was bad, but this one paints more of a story, i can feel more emotion, but i still feel that it could go further dont be afraid to put it all out

i liked the way this started that first line got me interested, the way it ended was nice too, it was a twist, and it didnt end feeling like there should be more. the middle i didnt sway in and out i just wanted to keep reading so i could figuer out the first slighty confussing part, but thats good, i like poems that make you think, and still sometimes your not sure if you got the idea that the person who wrote it wanted you to get, ones that are just blah there dont make you think as much so they dont stay with you

there was sometimes i felt pure emotion, but you gotta get more of it in there

this here

The mother looks towards the heavens sky,
Cursing it with all her heart,
How can her son become what he is,
A sharp pain threw her heart,
Is all she feels before fading into the darkness,
Of the deep cold earth,
The Son can only smile as he walks away,
Carrying a bloody dagger with him,

was my fave part cause i could feel it, i could picture it, almost real, thats awsome

so up the vocab a bit, focus on the flow a tad, and throw in some emotion

all and all i liked it keep droppin

~Tera~
DONT HATE

__________________