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BANNED
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IP:
Quote:
Originally posted by filed
iight
when i read this i get the feeling of someone trying to get away from there own emotions, but they cant ignore them forever, and its getting harder and harder to pretend they're not there.
i know thats not what you meant you had just the simple poem about some one getting followed and killed by these other ppl but everyone feels these diff
it need more feeling in it, needed to tell more of the story, i did like the realness at the end where they actually did die, instead of always this and lived happy ever after again and again. but you do need to put some more depth into it, paint more of a story for us, use all your senses, smell touch anything to brig it up some
your vocab was like a 6/10 all these simple words, try to up that some, but in this little piece it wasnt all that big of deal, but it could bring it up a tad if you had a bigger vocab
iight keep droppin k you do got some talent i see it reading to burst open, just put some emotion/ feeling into it iight
~Tera~
DONT HATE
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said it alllll |